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Do you want to play?

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We left the dishes on the table in a rush to go into the fading light.  I grabbed a rake and eagerly went after the dull and the dead, seeking green signs of life that I knew would be coming up by now.  Two weeks into seclusion, more talk of sickness and death every hour. To see Spring coming right on time seems like a miracle; both a welcome relief and an annoyance.  This isn’t normal. This isn’t good. This is not right- to miss out on life, to turn away from the ones we love. Exposing a new beginning is a reminder that life is going to go on, even when it isn't the same. And I just want it to be the same. Tonight, as I gardened, I heard the kids start a game of freeze tag.  Hearing them laugh together made me smile. And then, “Mom, do you want to play with us?” my 15 year old son asked.  I don’t need to go into too much detail except to say that I don’t think my son has asked me to play with him in a very long time.  I believe those words were la...
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A Beautiful Crescendo

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My little Holland, You are going to kindergarten tomorrow.   When we had to decide if we wanted to add to our family of four, the answer for me was always yes.  I knew that you were out there, and I just had to bring you into our lives.  I will never say you made it easier, but I will always say you made it better.   You were the crescendo to the twilight of my years parenting young children.  Your childhood has been a gift to me as a mother.  You let me experience it all over again- birth, nursing, exhaustion, frustration, joy, laughter and wonder.  You are so funny (your faces, your expressions, the way you dance).  You are so sweet. (Your tender heart, the way you crave touch and caresses, the way you pull my hair and tell me you love me, like you did just today).  I haven’t wished away your childhood.  I get it now.  I see how fast it goes.  The thumb sucking, asking for help to do things you could do b...
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Last Day

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Today was the last day of school for the Bigs.  This means it was the last day for Holland and I to spend the day together.  It felt like the end of an era, and it was.  After this summer, all of my children will be in school.  What?!?  Time is so funny.  So fast and so slow all at once.   Today, for our last day of this era, we walked in a bubble parade, ate multiple popsicles and climbed rocks together.  A good day.    
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Fall 2014

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We've been having the most beautiful fall.  Simply gorgeous, intoxicatingly beautiful days.  One after another.   It has call caused an interesting inner conflict for me.  We are trying to paint as much of the exterior of our house as possible before the snow and cold make it impossible, so with all of the beautiful weather, I feel like I need to be outside, working.  However, of course when it's fall in the midwest, there is so much outside fun to be had!  I am torn between getting work done, and making fall memories with the kids.  We have definitely had to sacrifice a little on both ends.   Yesterday was another one of those days.  P.E.R.F.E.C.T weather.  A yard FULL of leaves.  TWO adorable daughters.  Our compromise was to rake the yard, and then reward ourselves with smoothies and the park.  I got all of the leaves raked (well, of course not ALL of them, but 17 bags worth, anyways).  We got our smoothies ...
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Love notes

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Claire and I have been exchanging love notes on her boogie board.  This is the one I found by my bed tonight.
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June...

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June has always seemed to be the crown jewel of the calendar year.  In June, it is summer, in June, the weather (in the midwest) is perfect.  In June, things start to bloom. This year, June had a different reputation.  THIS June, we were so busy with extra shifts at work, the height of the landscaping business, VBS, two kids in softball/baseball, TWO birthdays, and so many household projects that I would question why it was we ever moved.  Also, this June we received walnut-sized hail that nearly ruined my garden and damaged my van.  This June, our city received 13 inches of rain and had a colder than normal month.  I CANNOT believe how little the plants in my garden still are.  Will I EVER get ripe tomatoes? But, as June draws to a close, I found myself flipping through the images I captured... so glad I did, as without them I'm not sure how much of this month I'd remember.  It turns out, this June was beautiful after-all :) First year of...
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TEN

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Fisher is now a DECADE old.  Thanks to  this  blog post by Jen Hatmaker, I was able to enter the week of Fisher's birthday with a great attitude.  I have realized long ago that my baby has grown up, and while I will always cherish the many memories we made together when he looked like this: I am also so proud of the boy who looks like this: I am enjoying his great sense of humor and sarcasm, and I am in awe of his intelligence and sensitivity. For his birthday, we had family dinner with family and he requested a coffee cake.  The next day, he got to do laser tag and Buffalo Wild Wings with his grandpas, uncles and cousins. One week later (today) we took him and 3 buddies to a movie and then to play dodgeball at a park.  They had such a good time together.  Still little boys, but growing up so fast. Lance hunting the boys down with the dodgeball This play structure proved to be the ultimate dodgeball arena Hard to believe they...
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