Do you want to play?

We left the dishes on the table in a rush to go into the fading light.  I grabbed a rake and eagerly went after the dull and the dead, seeking green signs of life that I knew would be coming up by now.  Two weeks into seclusion, more talk of sickness and death every hour. To see Spring coming right on time seems like a miracle; both a welcome relief and an annoyance.  This isn’t normal. This isn’t good. This is not right- to miss out on life, to turn away from the ones we love. Exposing a new beginning is a reminder that life is going to go on, even when it isn't the same. And I just want it to be the same.

Tonight, as I gardened, I heard the kids start a game of freeze tag.  Hearing them laugh together made me smile. And then, “Mom, do you want to play with us?” my 15 year old son asked.  I don’t need to go into too much detail except to say that I don’t think my son has asked me to play with him in a very long time.  I believe those words were last spoken to me by a round-cheeked boy who was shorter than I. As he has grown up, there have been so many times when I wished he would say something like that to me again, and I wasn’t sure he ever would.

“Do you want to play?”  
In the chilly air and setting sun of this March night, I played with my kids.  Usually we would be busy with homework, practices and other activities. But tonight there was time for play. We ran in circles ‘round the yard, laughing, shrieking, and yelling to our teammates.  I felt my son, now towering above me, put his hands on my shoulders, pretending to hide behind me. I caught my daughters in a gasping hug. The dog wove between all of us, barking with delight that the pack was together again.  It. Was. So. Good.
The virus has taken so much, and will continue to take. But out of hopelessness and loss of control, out of fear and sadness and anger, moments like these emerge.  As much as I hate what delivered them to me, I cannot deny that they are precious and beautiful, and receive them with relief and joy. Moments born into life because we had time to make them.  I hate this virus, but I am thankful for nights like tonight.



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