One Chapter Closed. Another Begins...


Tomorrow I send my first born to kindergarten.

He is so excited. So ready. He is 6 years old after all; there is no more putting this off. It is time for him to move on to life's next adventure. How is it possible that this time has come? How can he be so big, when my arms so clearly remember holding him as a newborn, a toddler, a chubby little boy? Just tonight as I held him, his tired hands found and tugged on my hair, just as they have done ever since I nursed him.

He is not little anymore. He is tall; more muscle than pudge, and so curious about being grown up. What will this next chapter hold for him? How much joy, and how much pain? Will he make good friends? Will he get his feelings hurt? Will he be kind and remember the Golden Rule? How much of his innocence and passion will get trampled on? Will he still love me best? Will he still want me to hold him close and to run my fingers through his hair and up and down his back? Will he still pull on my hair when he is tired?

The last 6 years have seemed so long and so brief at the same time. Days have been spent on stroller rides, at the park, in piles of leaves and hills of snow. We have sung songs, played games, baked and eaten many cookies, had tremendous action hero battles, and read piles and piles of books. We have rolled on the floor laughing, and sat on our beds in tears. We have had a great time together. My little boy. My only son. I am so sad that this chapter in my life with him has come to a close.

It is cliche to say, but life goes by too fast, and kids grow up way too soon. Childhood is not only magical for the child, but for the parent as well. Watching a child grow in front of your eyes, to have a life love you and connect with you on such an intimate and exclusive level is wonderful beyond what my mind could imagine before I had children. I can remember looking at him so many times throughout the past 6 years and feeling this desperate plea within my soul for time to stop and to leave my little one alone for awhile. If he could only stay a baby, a toddler, a preschooler for just a little while longer.

Of course time carried on regardless of my pleas. Tomorrow Fisher will enter a new stage of life that holds so many new and exciting things. Some of those things will be for us to do together, and some of those things will be just for him. I know that he is going to keep growing up way too fast. I know that he is going to make great friends, and also have big hurts. Some of the innocence I have worked so hard to keep will be lost. But I also know that there will still be times when he just wants his mommy. He will climb into my lap, tug on my hair, and let me hold him again. I can't wait.

Comments

  1. Jennifer NobleAugust 16, 2010 at 9:50 AM

    Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  2. JulieAugust 21, 2010 at 6:32 AM

    We have to think of the big picture or the uncertainty of the future on earth will drive us crazy. I couldn't be prouder or happier of the job you are doing as a mother, Racheal.
    Love, MOM

    ReplyDelete

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