Learning To Run


I became a runner as a last resort. I had tried running in the past and I hated it. Running hurt. It burned my lungs and made my legs itch. Bored of my workout videos, short on time and the cash for a gym membership, anticipating a 10-year class reunion, and carrying around extra baby weight from my second child, I began to run. Jenny, my yellow lab who needed to loose a few herself, was my partner. It was an ugly thing at first. Run a block, walk a block, run two, walk one, etc. When I reached the “run 3, walk 1” sequence, I thought I was really something. I visualized my thighs and butt tightening. I could see the bikini. I tried to get to “run 4” but it was hard to do- especially because by this time my class reunion and bikini weather had come and gone. With the chill of autumn in the air, it seemed that giving into a size up and winter sweats would be a good alternative to killing myself 3 times a week.

Everything changed when my husband got me an ipod for Christmas. Because I haven’t kept up with music for the past 10 years, my ears were flooded with music and memories from high school and college. And so, set to the beat of "Dream" by the Cranberries and Enya’s "Orinoco Flow," I began to make some progress. Suddenly, running a mile without stopping became possible, and soon after that, I could last a mile and a half.

The music reminded me of who I was before I worried about my job, money and my kids (because I didn’t have any of them). I realized during these runs that that person still exists, and that it is possible to start new things and revisit old passions, even when motherhood has taken your life and turned it upside down. Because of my children, I know stress, wonder, joy and love beyond what I could have ever imagined before. However, just because I am a mom now, that doesn't mean that I'm not the person I was before I gave birth, and it doesn't mean that I'm not capable of accomplishing other important things in the many years ahead. For some reason, these are the things I realized while putting one foot in front of the other on the streets of my neighborhood, listening to music from my past.

My goal was to run a 5k- but for one reason or another, years passed before that 3 mile goal seemed possible. This winter, after having baby #3, I felt it was now or never, and began a couch-to-5k program. On Mother's Day weekend, I accomplished what I had thought was not possible- I ran a 5k in less than 30 minutes. It was a freezing spring morning, and my sides ached nearly the whole way as I plugged along in the frosty air. I was so determined to not let myself walk a single step of that race. And towards the end, I saw my husband, and all three of my little dears- bundled up on the side of the road with a sign that said "We Love Mom." It felt so good to accomplish something that wasn't related to my kids, or my career, or my house. It was amazing to set my mind to something, and to see it through to completion. Something that was just for me. But at the end of the road, to have my family there cheering me on, was the perfect end to the journey.

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